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Some other people who got bounced from Club Carlos.
EMO KID
An Emo kid wearing tight jeans, a big black sweatshirt, duct tape
around his wrists, Army boots, and eye-liner, steps up.
EMO KID - Hey, man. Let me in or whatever. You don’t even know my pain. I’m deep. My parents don’t get me and my girlfriend got a tattoo that says I’m a dick.
CARLOS
Okay, you’re definitely not getting into my club. First of all, you’re four sizes smaller than any of the girls in there. And if they get jealous, they won’t buy any taquitos. And second, if I let you in, I’ll be responsible when you hear a My Chemical Romance song and try to hang yourself in my bathroom.
EMO KID
Man, you like totally depressed me. And now I have to cut myself so I can feel.
CARLOS
Why don’t you go back to your parents’ mansion and write a sad song about it? And if you need to feel something, start with this.
CARLOS
Carlos kicks the Emo Kid in the balls. The Emo Kid grabs his crotch in pain and hops away.
EMO KID
Uncool!
DRUNK GIRL
Her skirt is too short and her top is too low.
DRUNK GIRL
(slurring)
Can I get in?
CARLOS
Who are you here with?
DRUNK GIRL
Nobody. I got drunk with my friends, but we got separated and I’m like,
screw you guys, I’m going to get even drunker and more dancier at Club Carlos!
CARLOS
I'm gonna call you a cab.
DRUNK GIRL
But there’s no party in the cab.
CARLOS
Look, if you stay here, you’ll be just another white girl who’s going to need her vagina swabbed for DNA. You walk around drunk and half naked, making it easy for any Tom, Dick, or Duke LaCrosse player to take advantage of you.
DRUNK GIRL
I’ll do you too get in.
CARLOS
Three, two, one...
The Drunk Girl burped loudly and passed out.
Comments
Funny. There needs to be a third person to come up....who will it be?
Posted by:Shirl | Apr 29, 2007 7:54:42 PM
Carlos you couldnt be more right! I absolutely love your show. You say what most of american need to stand up and say. This country had gotten too god damn pussy to do or say anything any more. Your show tonight was amazing as always. You hit the nail on the head, what the fuck is freedom of speech these days? So he called the basketball team a bunch of nappy headed hoes. Well... GET THE FUCK OVER IT! If I were to ever cross the dee dee dee that fired him ide give him a good round-house kick in the balls. Carlos, keep up the amazing work saying what most pussies are afraid to say. I'm a huge fan and I thank you for doing what you do. I love sitting there and thinking to myself "I wish I could see the faces on some of the nut fucking, tree hugging douche bags who get offended by this stuff". I hope one of these days i get to meet you in person and just talk about all this crap going on in our country. Most people have heroes who invented something, wrote a book, ran the country or whatever; but you are my hero. Why? because you get on stage and you speak your mind, you say what this country has become too afraid to say. Ide love to follow in your hilarious footsteps! Have a great night!
Posted by:Anthony Petini | Apr 29, 2007 8:00:39 PM
I think you are AWESOME and SOOOOOO RIGHT!!! I love watching your show and hope you keep on doing what you're doing!!
Posted by:Rachel S | Apr 29, 2007 8:07:00 PM
Hey Carlos,
I want to be a part of the Carlos Club! My daughter and I just started watching your show and we think you are halarious! I'm a beaner and I get a kick out of some of the stuff you say! I think it's even funnier when you start to crack up! Keep up the awesome work...keep the "brown" people on TV. Don't kick me out! BEANER
Posted by:Brenda Molina | Apr 29, 2007 9:05:31 PM
carlos, you used to be funny your comedy was original. now it seems like you have writers for your stuff or something has changed but i dont't find your material funny at all anymore. what happend?
Posted by:michele | Apr 29, 2007 9:28:46 PM
hey carlos i just watched your new show it was kick ass. i got all the your seasons on DVD, your so funny.
orgolio italiano
Posted by:CJ Lord | Apr 29, 2007 10:07:20 PM
Fuck what people say. I want you to show me a person who hasn't heard a joke they didn't like and pass it off to someone else. It's human nature. I could name numerous comedians I've heard that might have used the same joke as someone else, and do you want to know why? Because it was funny. These people are the same whiney little bitches that Carlos makes fun off every week on his show. Shut-up, quit your bitchin, cry me a river build a bridge and get over it. So you keep doing your thing Carlos, you are the funniest comedian out there. ROCK THAT SHIT.
Posted by:Tom Moroney | Apr 29, 2007 10:13:00 PM
Carlos, Thanks for the Salute to our Soldiers. Don't forget the Troops (Marines). OOH-RAH! Semper Fi!
Posted by:Don Hays (SGT CRACK) | Apr 29, 2007 10:35:16 PM
I saw your show today bounced from club carlos and what you said was so true. I had a little run in with an older white man who called me a stupid Mexican and it upset me and I went off on him. He proceeded to call me a stupid greasy mexican, stupid bitch, piece of shit, and some other vulgar derogatory comments. One thing i can not take is anyone talking about my race or any male talking this way to any female. He must have thought I didn't speak English and wouldn't respond to his harsh comments. We literally got into a yelling match outside of Von's. He made me so mad I felt myself raising my fist and I knew that with the way he was speaking to me if I hit him he would sure as hell kick my ass. So I calmly turned around called him a pussy ass fucken white trailer park piece of shit and walked into the store. He followed right behind me and continued to make racial remarks. The mexican manager calmly walked up to me and asked me if I was ok and then proceeded to ask the man to leave the premises.
Posted by:Janina | Apr 29, 2007 10:38:47 PM
Carlos man I love your fuckin show you’re the best man. Your fuckin cool man cause you don’t take shit from no body just like me. I admire you a lot for that. Your number one fan alberto .
Posted by:Alberto | Apr 29, 2007 10:49:14 PM
Carlos Mencia you are the best and keep doing what you doing. You remind me that even though Im 18 I still have a right to freedom of speech and that the only person allowed to censor me is my mother cause no matter how old we both are she can still beat the fuck out of me. Keep it up man you are the shit and you are a true inspiration simply because you leave no one out of the racial loop.
KEEP IT BITCHIN' AND KEEP IT REAL
Posted by:Danielle S. | Apr 29, 2007 11:06:50 PM
carlos, im white and i would just like to say that i am so happy ever since the va tech shooting. now im not saying that im happy people got shot, im just happy that we cant be blamed for school shootings anymore!!!
Posted by:Erik Boyd | Apr 30, 2007 12:24:55 AM
I Love your show, My Husband and i watch it all the time, I'm a Mom whos 3 year old walks around Saying Dee Dee Dee. So when you brought that up on the show I laughed so hard. Keep up the Great work
Posted by:Jess | Apr 30, 2007 7:07:44 AM
CARLOS,
WHEN THAT YOUNG "BITCH" OF A GIRL WITH THE ATTITUDE CAME UP TO YOU AND YOU SAID "I'M GOING TO SAY WHAT YOUR PARENTS SHOULD'VE SAID TO YOU A LONG TIME AGO "SHUT THE FUCK UP" I ALMOST "DIED!" MAN YOU SAID A "MOUTHFUL."
I DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS AND I'M GLAD I DON'T! BUT IF I DID, YOU CAN REST ASSURED, I'D RAISE THEM THE "OLD SCHOOL" WAY. WHIP THEIR ASS AND HAVE THEM SALUTE ME.
I REALLY HATE SOME OF THESE TEEN-AGE GIRLS! THEY'RE ATTITUDES ARE FUCKED UP AND THEY THINK THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND THEM! THEY'RE CONSTANTLY TALKING ON THESE DAMN PHONES AND BULLYING ON OTHER GIRLS WHEN THEY GET TO BE TEENAGERS. SOMEONE SHOULD PUNCH THEM IN THEIR FUCKING FACES!
THAT PART OF THE SKIT WAS "AWESOME!" DO ONE ABOUT THIS OBNOXIOUS USE OF CELL PHONES!
Posted by:David Alston | Apr 30, 2007 8:19:44 AM
Dude! your show is feakin hilarious! and its true about what you say! like yesteradys show! America doesnt have freedom of speech anymore and when we do say something out loud we get our asses kicked! That's why i don't give a damn of what people may say to me or wwhat i say! I may be a racist from time to time but it's only agaisnt Blondes! Keep up the kikck ass show and I'll continue to say whatver the f*** I want! LOL
Posted by:Gladys | Apr 30, 2007 9:37:26 AM
You probably wont believe this.....but u are loved even here in Belgrade :P
Keep up the Great work, got my support ...
Cheers
Posted by:Redgie | Apr 30, 2007 11:04:36 AM
carlos i watch your show everytime i get a chance and i fuckin love it. your the best comiedian thats out there cause you say shit the way its suppose to be said and not give a fuck what people think of it. dee dee dee is my favorite shit to say now. keep it real papi
Posted by:nicole guerrero | Apr 30, 2007 2:17:35 PM
HEY CARLOS JUST SAW THE SPEAK UR MIND SHIT THAT WAS SOME FUNNY SHIT KEEP UR COMEDY GOING EHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by:ROSEMARY | Apr 30, 2007 2:57:42 PM
hey man u should make a thing on your show called leroy and the chicken factory
Posted by:Dalton McNair | May 1, 2007 7:14:39 PM
OMMMMFG i love your name and illegal immagents wanting there own rights is bullshit i love that you speak your mind
and i fucking love you
MUAH
Posted by:Katie | May 1, 2007 8:12:58 PM
Carlos love you show and keep the faith. Love the skits keep up the great work. Hey get this last week some guys from Verizion removed some concret and replace it with Blacktop talk about D3 to the third power. Not only doest it look awful since when do you replace a concret walkway with some blacktop?
Posted by:Dave Knott | May 3, 2007 3:37:16 PM
what up carlos, first i just want to say i love ur show i think ur the shit and i hope that u keep making ur show forever not like that punk dave cappel, i just had a few Q's for u first why do u think that it is such a big deal for white people to make jokes about black people or eny one of another race but it is ok for them to make fun of us? and my girl wants to know are u on any drugs on ur show or is it like a nateral high to be performing? hopfuly i hear something back about my Q's or see it on ur show. and ur 100% right "if u aint laughing u aint livin" peace!
Posted by:kevin | May 5, 2007 8:02:05 PM
THATS NOT FAIR IM AN EMO KID AND I LOVE YOUR SHOW .. NOT ALL EMOS ARE FAGS LIKE THE DUDE U MENTIONED .... UNCOOL... WAY UNCOOL. BUT I STILL LUV THE SHOW .
PEACE!
Posted by:Nadia | May 6, 2007 6:14:30 PM
yo son i luv dis episode espaically wen u get da dad 2 finally give da beatin dat dat lil brat derserves lolzzzzz n da span guy was funny n luv yo show ;)
Posted by:Alexis Rodriguez | May 16, 2007 6:47:05 PM
Carlos - man you are the greatest!!! I love your show - Can't wait to see you in St. Louis at the end of October - hubby bought tickets for my anniversary present - he likes you too....just not in that way :) - told him he'd be guaranteed to get lucky that night if he got tickets - he was on it right away.
See ya!!
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Posted by:singh | Dec 1, 2007 3:21:26 AM
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