CROSSING THE BORDER W/ DAVID LUCKY

For those of you who don't know, Carlos Mencia is a very good golfer and enters many celebrity tournaments. Now of course to be a good golfer takes a lot of practice, and when you're busy writing jokes for your hit TV show, there's not much time to hit the links. So to keep his game in tip top shape, Carlos keeps a practice putting green in his office. It was fancy too. Whenever you made a putt, a little flag went up.  Little did we know that this would become the setting for one the world's greatest sports stories.

Mid-day Friday, is one of the most relaxing days at the Mind of Mencia. It's usually refered to as "Treat-Friday. They always bring in some fancy treat for everyone to enjoy - and usually it's something that goes well with a margarita. (Read Chapter 3 to find out my feelings on this.)

Anyway, maybe an hour after everyone was filled with treats the writers headed up stairs to Carlos' office to talk over sketches for the following week. These Friday meetings were always a blend of work and pleasure, so Carlos and a few writers were taking turns putting on his practice green while show #312 was discussed. That's when Joseph walked in. He watched Carlos putt and then said..."That's all you got, Pendejo?" The room went quiet. At first to figure out what Joseph said, and then because Carlos added, "You think you're better than me." Joseph replied, "I know it, bro. I know it." "Alright, Joseph. Put your money where you mouth is." "Your on Bro."

Like a small town in old western movie, the production office prepared for the duel. The writers cleared out and stood on the staircase. Other folks started closing up their computers. Phones were being unplugged. Even James the PA ran through the office ringing a bell spreading word. Where go the bell, I have no idea.

Carlos explained the rules. "If you can make this putt in one try, I'll give you fifty bucks." This was not going to be an easy feat. The putt was over 100 ft long and crossed three different rooms, and two types of carpet textures. If that wasn't enough, there was that final speed bump. An immovable phone wire that sat directly in front of the putting green - some 85 ft away from where they were all standing. Strangely, Joseph did not seem concerned. He confidently held out his hand and said,  "I'm in my way."

Carlos dropped the yellow ball on the floor, and handed him the putter. By now the entire second floor hallway was filled with people and the rest of the crew was hanging over the third floor railing. Grips and electricians working on the stage had even filed over.The entire show had been put on hold to watch...the Putt for Dough.

Joseph didn't check the line, or even take a practice stroke. He just looked up at the hole - some 100ft away put his head over the ball - and SLAP! the yellow bobbled along like a special Ed bus with bad suspension on a cobble road. So far so good. The ball made it through thin carpeted hallway with great pace...but now it was entering it's first challenge - SHAG!

The ball hopped onto the shag with the smoothness of a five o'clock shadow but still retained it's speed. speed.  This ball was tracking.  Excited yelps were heard from the crew as it made it through the shag and entered Carlos' office - the final 20 ft. Amazingly it was still on line with plenty of speed. The only thing left now between Joseph and greatness was the phone cord. The Phone company had no idea when they were laying that wire that it could be responsible for the demise of possible one of the greatest sports stories ever.

The ball hit the phone cord, causing it to leave the ground. The crew "Ohh-ed" and "Awed" as the ball landed now on the putting green and made it's way towards the hole.  Carlos couldn't believe his eyes...the ball was heading right for it. "Come on, ball!" Joseph yelled. Unfortunately, the ball had too much speed and just burnt the edge of the cup. Heartbreak. The crew let out a huge sigh. Carlos was laughing, and consoling Joseph As the crew started dispersing Brad shouted, "Wait! It's not over!" Everybody returned focused back on the room, and saw that the ball had hit the back wall and was coming back towards the hole. The entire crew was screaming! "Come on, ball!" And the with one final revelation, the ball dropped in the cup and the flag went up!

The entire crew went crazy. You would have thought Joseph had just won the Masters. They all charged him. Carlos couldn't believe it and fell to the floor in disbelief.  "What, you don't like it?" Joseph said as he walked off with the cheering mob. The excitement slowly died down and we all returned to Carlos' office and continued the meeting.

Moments later Joseph popped his head back in. "What about the fifty bucks, bro?" "I already gave it too you." Carlos said. "When? I never saw any money, bro?" " I know. Now you only owe me $6,930."  Joseph walked out of the room annoyed. Carlos stopped him and said, "What, you don't like it?"

CROSS THE BORDER W/ DAVID LUCKY 

  CHAPTER TWO
                                                    Secret Ninja

I'm sure you're familiar with many of the crazy characters Carlos plays on the show. What you don't realize is  that some of the most interesting characters work right here in the office. Turns out one of the sweetest ladies on the staff....is a ninja

Late one night, while working on the script the secret came out. We were shocked. I asked her, "Why don't you tell people about this? Maybe you could be on the show" She became very serious. "I don't want to be on the show! I don't want anyone to know! I mean it! You can't tell anybody!" I promised, hence the woman in the story remains anonymous, but I couldn't help but ask why. She carefully looked around making sure the coast was clear, then leaned in and whispered,"Because, if word got out..." she looked around again, "...I might be challenged!" Honestly I wanted to laugh...but she was so serious about it. Okay, I laughed. "Who would challenge you?" I said. "You'd be surprised, my boy. They come out of the wood work." Again I wanted to laugh but didn't....at least not as hard. I asked her if she could show us a few moves since we were the only ones here. "I can't do that,"she replied. "I have to be wearing my suit!"

So now you know, here in the Production offices of Mind of Mencia walks....a secret Ninja.

                                                       CHAPTER ONE
                                                    The Muslim and the Jew

To all those people who believe that there will never be Peace in the Middle East....I say that's a bunch of Kabul-shit! Here at the Mind of Mencia is living proof that Muslims and Jews can co-exist peacefully. For I am a Jew sharing an office with a Muslim. When we first started many people on the staff were saying, "A Muslim and a Jew in the same room? You know something's gonna happen." Well they were right. Something did happen. Friendship happened. Who knows how long that will last...you know how Muslims like to start shit, but so far it's all good. Keep you posted!

If you have any unique working relationships that need mentioning...by all means post'em. It will help knowing I'm not alone.

Crossing the Border w/ David Lucky: One man's experience working at the Mind of Mencia.

                                                                 PROLOGUE

 

For those of you who don't know what the Prologue is - it's that first part of the book that you always skip over. You know the pages with Roman Numerals in the corner. Anyway, I made this one short - so read it!

I know many of you have thought to yourself while watching the Mind of Mencia, "Man, it must be so much fun to work on a TV show like that." No doubt about it...it is fun. In fact working on The Mind of Mencia for the last three seasons has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. But it's still a job which means...lots of hard work. Add on to that the crazy personalities, lots of late nights, and all the pressures of having to tape a new show every week -- things can get pretty interesting. You've seen the show, now cross the border from fiction to reality, as I take you through my daily experiences working on the Mind of Mencia.