Well, it's been an amazing six months but now it's time for a little hiatus. For those of you going, "Hiatus? Isn't that the Greek God of Height?" No, it means we're taking a little vacation. But we will be back. New posts will begin in a few months when we start working on Season Four!!!. Until then you'll still be able to visit the blog and check out all the previous posts from this past season. 

On a personal note, I just wanted to say I've really enjoyed writing on the blog this past season and I hope you've enjoyed it as well. Thanks to everyone who submitted to the "So You Think You Can Rant" contest, and everybody who visited and posted comments on the blog. Because of your support, we were the most viewed blog on Comedy Central.com. See you next year!

                                                                            

Your Blogger,
                                                                                              David Lucky

P.S: I've never really been good at saying good-byes so I decided to
      defuse my awkward feelings by saying my farewells in song:

      To the tune of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" I give you:

     "Don't Cry for the Blog of Mencia" (If you don't know the song...look it up!)

For Mind of Mencia, season three
Comedy Central started a blog
Didn't know they'd be making so many fond memories.
 
There was Ask Carlos
Mencia Minutes, and a rant Contest
We took you all Behind the Mind
And dealt with those hateful comments.
 
Don't cry for the blog of Mencia
The truth is we'll never leave you
Just through the holidays
A short hiatus
Until next season
Feel free to still read us

CROSSING THE BORDER W/ DAVID LUCKY

For those of you who don't know, Carlos Mencia is a very good golfer and enters many celebrity tournaments. Now of course to be a good golfer takes a lot of practice, and when you're busy writing jokes for your hit TV show, there's not much time to hit the links. So to keep his game in tip top shape, Carlos keeps a practice putting green in his office. It was fancy too. Whenever you made a putt, a little flag went up.  Little did we know that this would become the setting for one the world's greatest sports stories.

Mid-day Friday, is one of the most relaxing days at the Mind of Mencia. It's usually refered to as "Treat-Friday. They always bring in some fancy treat for everyone to enjoy - and usually it's something that goes well with a margarita. (Read Chapter 3 to find out my feelings on this.)

Anyway, maybe an hour after everyone was filled with treats the writers headed up stairs to Carlos' office to talk over sketches for the following week. These Friday meetings were always a blend of work and pleasure, so Carlos and a few writers were taking turns putting on his practice green while show #312 was discussed. That's when Joseph walked in. He watched Carlos putt and then said..."That's all you got, Pendejo?" The room went quiet. At first to figure out what Joseph said, and then because Carlos added, "You think you're better than me." Joseph replied, "I know it, bro. I know it." "Alright, Joseph. Put your money where you mouth is." "Your on Bro."

Like a small town in old western movie, the production office prepared for the duel. The writers cleared out and stood on the staircase. Other folks started closing up their computers. Phones were being unplugged. Even James the PA ran through the office ringing a bell spreading word. Where go the bell, I have no idea.

Carlos explained the rules. "If you can make this putt in one try, I'll give you fifty bucks." This was not going to be an easy feat. The putt was over 100 ft long and crossed three different rooms, and two types of carpet textures. If that wasn't enough, there was that final speed bump. An immovable phone wire that sat directly in front of the putting green - some 85 ft away from where they were all standing. Strangely, Joseph did not seem concerned. He confidently held out his hand and said,  "I'm in my way."

Carlos dropped the yellow ball on the floor, and handed him the putter. By now the entire second floor hallway was filled with people and the rest of the crew was hanging over the third floor railing. Grips and electricians working on the stage had even filed over.The entire show had been put on hold to watch...the Putt for Dough.

Joseph didn't check the line, or even take a practice stroke. He just looked up at the hole - some 100ft away put his head over the ball - and SLAP! the yellow bobbled along like a special Ed bus with bad suspension on a cobble road. So far so good. The ball made it through thin carpeted hallway with great pace...but now it was entering it's first challenge - SHAG!

The ball hopped onto the shag with the smoothness of a five o'clock shadow but still retained it's speed. speed.  This ball was tracking.  Excited yelps were heard from the crew as it made it through the shag and entered Carlos' office - the final 20 ft. Amazingly it was still on line with plenty of speed. The only thing left now between Joseph and greatness was the phone cord. The Phone company had no idea when they were laying that wire that it could be responsible for the demise of possible one of the greatest sports stories ever.

The ball hit the phone cord, causing it to leave the ground. The crew "Ohh-ed" and "Awed" as the ball landed now on the putting green and made it's way towards the hole.  Carlos couldn't believe his eyes...the ball was heading right for it. "Come on, ball!" Joseph yelled. Unfortunately, the ball had too much speed and just burnt the edge of the cup. Heartbreak. The crew let out a huge sigh. Carlos was laughing, and consoling Joseph As the crew started dispersing Brad shouted, "Wait! It's not over!" Everybody returned focused back on the room, and saw that the ball had hit the back wall and was coming back towards the hole. The entire crew was screaming! "Come on, ball!" And the with one final revelation, the ball dropped in the cup and the flag went up!

The entire crew went crazy. You would have thought Joseph had just won the Masters. They all charged him. Carlos couldn't believe it and fell to the floor in disbelief.  "What, you don't like it?" Joseph said as he walked off with the cheering mob. The excitement slowly died down and we all returned to Carlos' office and continued the meeting.

Moments later Joseph popped his head back in. "What about the fifty bucks, bro?" "I already gave it too you." Carlos said. "When? I never saw any money, bro?" " I know. Now you only owe me $6,930."  Joseph walked out of the room annoyed. Carlos stopped him and said, "What, you don't like it?"

By now I'm sure most of you have seen the sketch where Carlos takes in a couple of stranded Penguins. Now I'm gonna give you some behind the scenes info you only get here on the blog.

You might be thinking how did they come up with this? Here's how. Carlos showed up one day and he was up late watching this show on National Geographic channel about this guy who lives with Wolves. That night he had a dream that he was forced to raise penguins. After that we started writing the piece, but first we all watched the Wolf guy show. (For comments about him and his show - check for a new installment for "Are You Freaking Kidding Me") Two weeks later we had penguins on our stage.

The penguins were awesome, but they had a lot of strict rules. They could only work six hours a day, and if you wanted the penguin to hold something in the shot...it took about a week to train them.

Unfortunately we needed more time to film the piece then we had with the penguins so, we built these amazing animatronic dublicates of the tow little guys.

Joseph really swam with the Penguins, but was frightened at first. He was worried they were going to bite him. It took quite a bit of coaxing but it all worked out.

Again the Computer Graphics guys came through making it seem that Joseph was hunting Penguins in the South Pole. But it was all green screen.

The Texas Hold'em player was played by the Executive Producer/Head Writer of the Mind of Mencia

As a parting gift I thought I through in a picture of Brad hanging with the real penguins while dressed in a penguin suit.

If there is anything more you'd like to know about this piece or any other piece send me your questions.

                       - D. Lucky -

Check out this story that was just recently put out by TMZ.com. Seems like Kanye West was not happy about being called out by Carlos in his parody song about the Hip-Hop artist.

http://eee.tmz.com/2007/06/29/kanye-to-mencia-i-aint-no-cosby/
                         (this is the link - the article is down below)

                Kanye West did not like being called "Theo Huxtable" one bit, and he's spitting
                back at Carlos Mencia -- the guy who slapped him with that ignominious label.

               Mencia did a hilarious spoof of West's smash "Gold Digger," on his
               Comedy Central show, skewering West for downplaying his suburban,
               upper-middle-class background, and likening him to a Huxtable, whose
               mother was an English professor and father a well-paid photographer.

               And now, Kanye's response: On his latest single, "Can't Tell Me Nothing,"
               he disavows any connection to the Huxtables, rapping, "I ain't one of the Cosby's,
               I ain't go to Hillman," referring to the college where one of the Huxtable children
               attended in the series.

It's been advertised for the what seems like the past ten years, but now, this Friday, the wait is over!  In front of every Mac store in the country there's going to be a line of people who can't wait to hand over 500 bucks for a the new iPhone. I understand it's a new piece of technology, and that's always very exciting - but I was reading this article about it and this quote really pissed me off. Check it out.

"This is the most anticipated phone since Alexander Graham Bell did his," said Michael Gartenberg, an industry analyst at JupiterResearch.

You got to be kidding me! It's a phone. It can't be met with the same anticipation as the first phone - because before Graham's invention - THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS A PHONE! It's not like it's called  iTeleporter. That I would wait in line for. Especially the Beaners. The minute men would be like, "Why aren't Mexicans crossing the border anymore?"
And you thought you were scared to answer a restricted call before...You'd answer it...and POW - there'd be a Beaner in your living room. "Sorry, Senor. Wrong number. But since I'm here, you need any work done?"

The iPhone is an iPhoney. The best you can do after you buy the iPhone is the same thing you can do with your old phone...CALL SOMEBODY. "Hey Mark, I'm calling you from my new iPhone." "Awesome Chad." "Okay, Mark. Talk to you later." "Bye!"

Look remember this: Mac products are just like Mexican food. They look different, but they're all made with the same ingredients.

Coming soon to the big screen is Die Hard IV - also known as Live Free or Die Hard. I love this series, and if you're like me you can't wait until it comes out. But won't stop me from talking about. I read this story on the internet and it really pissed me off. They announced that the film is going to be rated PG-13. Are you freaking kidding me? All the other ones were rated R. This is bullshit. How can you rate a movie PG-13 when it's big catch phrase is Yippee Kay-Yeah Motherfucker! That phrase alone is worth the R rating. What is he gonna say, YippeKay-Yeah Mellon-farmer?  Mother Banger?  Mother Teresa?

If you guys have any better replacements - let me know.

Why do they do this, so 13 year old kids can go? It's not they care about it. When the first one came out they weren't even born. I've invested time into the series.

Then I did a little research and learned that PG-13 movies are allowed one curse word. Hmmm! I wonder what word that will be? Maybe the one that's on the God Damn Billboards. Then I started thinking..Holy shit...that's the only curse word in the movie?  What's McClaine going to yell when he gets thrown through a glass window, or gets shot, "Oh Fudgeroonies!" or "Oh, fiddle sticks!"  (BAD GUY) Did you just say, Fiddle sticks?" (MCLAINE) "Yeah. I only get one curse word and I don't get to say it until the final seen. If I don't say it...the fans will kill me."

As I'm sure you're all aware by now,  Evan Almighty opens nationwide this weekend, and I'm sure many of you are going to rush to the theaters to see it. Look, I haven't seen the movie so I'm not going to tell you whether it's good or bad, but I do have a problem with the story.

Apparently it's a recreation of the Noah's Ark story set in modern day. And if you don't know the Noah's Ark story - stop surfing YouTube and open a freaking book! But seriously, I know it's a fictional movie, and they have creative license, but this film went too far!  If God needed to build something out of wood quickly, he wouldn't ask some unskilled middle-class white dude? That's bullshit! He'd ask my people. The beaners! That's what we do. We build shit quick.

Now I can understand God asking some white Jewish guy to build an ark back in the day...Good Mexican day-laborers were harder to find.  But today?   God could appear in a burning shrub in front of any freaking Home Depot in the country and find his work force.

Give them some wood, and few tools and before you knew it...BAM! (MEXICAN VOICE) "There is your ark, Senor God. When's the flood gonna happen?"  God would be like, "Soon.  I didn't expect it to be built that quick. I'm still making clouds."

That's my take before I see the movie.

So for those of you who thought I forgot about the DDD awards - you can all take a deep breath, cause they're back! But if this is gonna be a successful award season we have to work together on this.

For your consideration of DDD of the Year - I present Andrew Speaker. If you don't know who this man is you should submit yourself for a nomination. This is the guy who was infected with a rare form of tuberculosis and then decied it would be a good idea to...get on  FREAKING AIRPLANE!  "But they never told me that I couldn't fly. They just said it would be a good idea if I didn't." Are you kidding me! You couldn't figure that out for yourself? Maybe you should of called your dad...he's only the leading United States Specialist in rare strands of Tuberculosis!! He may be infected with TB but he was born with DDD!

OTHER JOBS THEY SHOULDN'T DO:

Most of you probably saw  the episode where Carlos talked about the job him and his friends shouldn't have. While what  made the show was funny...there were many other jobs that these guys should never do that just didn't make the cut.

JOSH

Police Sketch artist.
Sandwich Artist
Brain Surgeon
Acupuncturist 
Butcher
Chess Champion

BRAD

Truck Driver
Sumo Wrestler
UPS Delivery guy.

JOSEPH

Interpreter
English Professor
UN Ambassador
Spelling Bee Coach

Yo! This is the one and only Pimp Delicious Luscious talking with you one on one. I'm sick of hearing about how everybody out there wants to Pimp their house or Pimp their ride. Everybody wants to pimp everything except themselves. Well that's why I'm here. You want to see what I'm about - check out my debut on the MInd of Mencia. Now, if you're life needs to be Pimped up - post something and I'm be happy to help you anyway I can.

CROSS THE BORDER W/ DAVID LUCKY 

  CHAPTER TWO
                                                    Secret Ninja

I'm sure you're familiar with many of the crazy characters Carlos plays on the show. What you don't realize is  that some of the most interesting characters work right here in the office. Turns out one of the sweetest ladies on the staff....is a ninja

Late one night, while working on the script the secret came out. We were shocked. I asked her, "Why don't you tell people about this? Maybe you could be on the show" She became very serious. "I don't want to be on the show! I don't want anyone to know! I mean it! You can't tell anybody!" I promised, hence the woman in the story remains anonymous, but I couldn't help but ask why. She carefully looked around making sure the coast was clear, then leaned in and whispered,"Because, if word got out..." she looked around again, "...I might be challenged!" Honestly I wanted to laugh...but she was so serious about it. Okay, I laughed. "Who would challenge you?" I said. "You'd be surprised, my boy. They come out of the wood work." Again I wanted to laugh but didn't....at least not as hard. I asked her if she could show us a few moves since we were the only ones here. "I can't do that,"she replied. "I have to be wearing my suit!"

So now you know, here in the Production offices of Mind of Mencia walks....a secret Ninja.

                                                       CHAPTER ONE
                                                    The Muslim and the Jew

To all those people who believe that there will never be Peace in the Middle East....I say that's a bunch of Kabul-shit! Here at the Mind of Mencia is living proof that Muslims and Jews can co-exist peacefully. For I am a Jew sharing an office with a Muslim. When we first started many people on the staff were saying, "A Muslim and a Jew in the same room? You know something's gonna happen." Well they were right. Something did happen. Friendship happened. Who knows how long that will last...you know how Muslims like to start shit, but so far it's all good. Keep you posted!

If you have any unique working relationships that need mentioning...by all means post'em. It will help knowing I'm not alone.

Crossing the Border w/ David Lucky: One man's experience working at the Mind of Mencia.

                                                                 PROLOGUE

 

For those of you who don't know what the Prologue is - it's that first part of the book that you always skip over. You know the pages with Roman Numerals in the corner. Anyway, I made this one short - so read it!

I know many of you have thought to yourself while watching the Mind of Mencia, "Man, it must be so much fun to work on a TV show like that." No doubt about it...it is fun. In fact working on The Mind of Mencia for the last three seasons has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. But it's still a job which means...lots of hard work. Add on to that the crazy personalities, lots of late nights, and all the pressures of having to tape a new show every week -- things can get pretty interesting. You've seen the show, now cross the border from fiction to reality, as I take you through my daily experiences working on the Mind of Mencia.

As you saw on the show this week you're an idiot if you don't pay your taxes.  Some of you I'm sure were watching the show going..."Oh-oh! I knew I had to do something this week." It's important to pay your taxes but I know if you can't afford a fancy accountant it can be a lot of work. You're in your kitchen surrounded by papers screaming... "W-2? What's a W-2? Can I send in WD-40?" So that's why I'm going to give you a few helpful                               tips when it comes to deductions.

There is a big difference between what's Deductible vs. what's Non-Deduction. Hope this helps you!

DEDUCTION: You can deduct for each one of your babies
NON DEDUCTION: Each of your baby's Daddys.

DEDUCTION: Company business dinner with clients.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Monkey business  meeting w/ your hot secretary.

DEDUCTION: Reforestation, replanting trees.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Rogaine, replanting your hair.

DEDUCTION: Making your office larger for work.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Making your wife's boobs larger

DEDUCTION: Gas to go to business-related meetings.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Gas to go to King Taco at 2am to with your unemployed buddies.

Thanks for watching "Are you Smarter than a Wetback?" Now play the take home version.

Here are some more questions to test your knowledge and see if YOU are Smarter than a Wetback?"
Submit your answers to these five question. I will post the answers later in the week. Good luck...remember the more you get wrong...the more you turn into a wetback.                               Answer all five wrong and you might end up in front of Home Depot!

Question #1. What psychological
                   problems are most associated with
                   the middle child?

Question #2. When was the Virgin of Guadelupe
                    first seen in Mexico?

Question #3. What is the following : old truck
                    tires, a bathtub and a cricket bat?

Question #4. In baseball, the distance from the
                   pitcher’s mound to home plate is 45
                   feet.  If Pedro Martinez’s fast
                   ball travels at 90 miles an hour,
                   how fast must his family members
                   run to the parking lot if
                   immigration officers arrive?

Question #5. According to professional
                   exterminators, what’s the most
                   effective way to get rid of roaches
                   in your apartment building?

So now that last weeks winner has been announced - it's time to vote on the quote of week two. Here are your nominees:

#1. V-Chip. Helping dumb-ass parents avoid responsibility since 2000!

#2. What happens in the Blue-Zone, stays in the Blue-Zone!

#3. Saddam is not the only person who's hung around here!

#4. You give me such hard!