Hey everyone! I thought that you might enjoy this video from Wednesday's Mind of Mencia. It's Carlos' take on what you might need to do in regards to the current state of the real estate market.

Who knows, this might help you get a great deal on a house...

This is the video from last night's show that features the NEW cartoons of my childhood stories (The Adventures of Carlitos). Like I said on the show, my mom, Consuelo, actually played the part of my mom in this one. It's great to have my real mom get to be on the show, along with my brother Joseph. It's a family thing and I think it's very cool.

Cristela had done the voice originally when we taped, but in the end we decided that we wanted the very authentic accent that my mom has (no offense Cristela) to offer. I'm glad we did because let's face it, no one can do it better than the original.

Here you go guys! The latest installment of "The Adventures of Carlitos".

This is Cristela, the warm-up comedian and former writer for Mind of Mencia.  I had mentioned earlier in this blog that I would be around to let you in on the happenings of the show.  So here I am doing just that.  I'm including a video from the first taping of the season.  I can explain what's happening because, although you can't hear me, I'm there in the audience.

This is a break between segments, right after the Mencia's monologue.  It's at this point that people check to see if they need to pick-up (that means re-shooting) anything in the monologue.  A lot of times, make-up guru James and Mencia's wife, Amy, come out to make sure that he looks ok.  It's at this time that I usually make comments to the audience to tell them what's going on and a lot of times...Mencia wants to put in his two cents.  He LOVES to put in his two cents.

OTHER JOBS THEY SHOULDN'T DO:

Most of you probably saw  the episode where Carlos talked about the job him and his friends shouldn't have. While what  made the show was funny...there were many other jobs that these guys should never do that just didn't make the cut.

JOSH

Police Sketch artist.
Sandwich Artist
Brain Surgeon
Acupuncturist 
Butcher
Chess Champion

BRAD

Truck Driver
Sumo Wrestler
UPS Delivery guy.

JOSEPH

Interpreter
English Professor
UN Ambassador
Spelling Bee Coach

Okay, so we now have the best quotes for each new season three episode. Since this week's episode is the best of show, we thought we would vote on the best of quotes. Here are your favorite quotes.

#1. A victim of suicide. How Can you be a victim of something you did to yourself? Doesn't victim imply that you had nothing to do with it? Under those rules, I'm a masturbation victim. (EPISODE 7 WINNER)

#2. My cousin, Gisella, has been pregnant for the last ten years. Her vagina is like a clown car. (EPISODE 6 WINNER)

#3. Cause if I let her in my front door, she''ll let me in her back door. (EPISODE 5 WINNER)

#4. This is how much it sucks for white people. In order for you to hear the things you want to say but can't...you had to tune in to hear a Beaner say it for you. You're welcome, crackers. (EPISODE 4 WINNER)

#5. "If you're gonna say Dee-Dee-Dee, say it right! It's three syllables.
      It's Dee, followed by Dee, followed by Dee!" (EPISODE 3 WINNER)

#6. Saddam is not the only one hung around here!" (EPISODE 2 WINNER)

          

#7."Your Mom is so hot...I'd bang her in front of my wife."
                                            (EPISODE 1 WINNER)

QUOTE WALL VII - vote now!

Here are the nominees.

#1. A victim of suicide. How Can you be a victim of something you did to yourself? Doesn't victim imply that you had nothing to do with it? Under those rules, I'm a masturbation victim.

#2. Kristie Alley should not be a runway model...unless of course the runway is at LAX.

#3. Funny. Funny, how? I'm amazing the things I do? Like a Clown?

Behind the Mind: The Making of Beaner Man

Now that you've seen Beaner Man, I thought I would introduce you to the two visual effects artist who brought the Superhero to life; Eric McGilloway, and Eric Silva. They both joined the show second season, and since then they have created many of the amazing effects on the show.

                        Eric  McGilloway  ->

Q: So how did you think Beaner Man turned out?

EM: Awesome. I haven't really been able to enjoy it yet. I was tweaking it up until Friday night. We even shot the pregnant scene the day of the show.  But everyone on the staff seemed really pleased, and the audience went nuts when we played it live in the studio. People come up to me, and tell me how impressive it is. I always say, "I'm impressed too. I'm impressed that we got it done in our time frame.                                        

Q: You didn't have a lot of time?                                                   Eric Silva ->

EM: Look, it's TV. It's very fast paced. The whole project took about three weeks and that's from shooting to air. That's fast - maybe not for five people...but for two?!

ES: Plus we were working on other stuff as well. Preacher Carlos...

EM: "Jobs They Shouldn't do."

ES: Performing with my band, Capulet. By the way check out Capuletmusic.com.

Q: What amazes me, is you guys are always here late with me, yet you never hear about any blow ups? Down in the writers area it's always noisey, but here, quiet. How do you make it look so smooth?

EM: We have our moments - but otherwise. I don't know. We just work well together.

Q: Back to Beaner Man, how do you approach a project like this?

EM: The script was hilarious, and we just wanted to make sure we honored the scope of the project. We wanted it to have that summer blockbuster super hero feel, but at the same time be funny. It can't just look real, and cool...it has to make you laugh. After all it's a comedy show.

ES: 80% of Beaner Man was shot on Green Screen. Except for the fight sequence with Mario Lopez, and the children in the classroom - everything was a visual effect. The pictures will give you example of how it comes together.

EM:We would shoot Ned acting in a solid green room, and then digitally insert the backgrounds, and visual effects on the computer. (such as the Salsa flying out of his suit photo down below)

Q: Is it hard to make everything match?

EM: Surprisingly no. It takes work to make it look awesome, but matching it is never a problem here. The reason, Carlos Mencia's performance. His technical awareness and his body placement is impecible.

ES: I think him being an engineer major has something to do with that.

EM: When it's already a funny performance - it makes everything much easier.

Q: Any final thoughts?

EM: I just think it's worth mentioning, that the Mind of Mencia is a very visual effects heavy show. Which, I think, makes the show one of the most cuttting edge comedy TV shows out there. Very few other, non Network Action shows, do what we do on the Mind of Mencia. 

ES: We're breaking new ground.

If anyone out there has any questions for the visual effects guys, post them and I'll make sure they're answered.
                                                       - D. Lucky

Quote Wall VI

Here are your nominees. It's time to rock the vote!

#1. If you think "Nappy Hair" is all about black people, you obviously haven't been to a place where white people do Crystal-Meth.

#2. When a guy calls another woman a ho...that's a compliment. There's not a guy on this planet that doesn't like hos!

#3. Hos are awesome cause they're honest. You know who's wrong? You bitches that lie to us, that's what's wrong.

#4. It is my duty...to please that booty.

#5. My cousin, Gisella, has been pregnant for the last ten years. Her vagina is like a clown car.

#6. If there's a skinny guy in every fat guy, then let him out so I can bang...him!

#7. You have the frosted hair, the eye liner, and the silk shirt...now all you need is a knob on the inside of your closet so you can open it and come out!

Carlita - Man Search

Listen up stupids - I'm looking for a man! I'm a 35 year old Latina who's never been pregnant...which I think is a Guiness Book world record. Just because I'm desperate doesn't mean I settle for just any man with a six pack, nice chest, and strong hands. I'm picky.  I want a man with a six pack, nice chest, strong hands...who also has a freaking job! You know, someone with a six pack, who can buy his own sick pack. I want to have a baby...not marry one. So far I've had no luck. That's why I decided try the Mind of Mencia blog, to see if any Carlos fans had what I'm looking for.  I've tried everything else out there, why not using bloggin to find a man.  So men, if you think you got what it takes to rock my world - let me know by posting a comment. And ladies, if you have any advice or stories you'd like to share, send them my way. To everyone else...don't judge. 

Welcome to Quote Wall V. Here are the nominees...

#1.  I really wish somebody had told me that nappy and ho, were offensive words because,
      if I knew...I would of used them way more.

#2. Cause if I let her in my front door, she''ll let me in her back door.

#3. This chiquaqua carrying, sex tape making, party hopping bitch in training is about her something she's probably never heard before....shut the fuck up!

#4. Thanks but I've been sober for over 22 years...ah fuck it!

#5. Can somebody tell me why I'm being stared at by Antonio Dumb-ass.

Some other people who got bounced from Club Carlos.

EMO KID
An Emo kid wearing tight jeans, a big black sweatshirt, duct tape
around his wrists, Army boots, and eye-liner, steps up.

EMO KID - Hey, man.  Let me in or whatever. You don’t even know my pain.  I’m deep.  My parents don’t get me and my girlfriend got a tattoo that says I’m a dick.

CARLOS
Okay, you’re definitely not getting into my club.  First of all, you’re four sizes smaller than any of the girls in there.  And if they get jealous, they won’t buy any taquitos.  And second, if I let you in, I’ll be responsible when you hear a My Chemical Romance song and try to hang yourself in my bathroom.

EMO KID
Man, you like totally depressed me.  And now I have to cut myself so I can feel.

CARLOS
Why don’t you go back to your parents’ mansion and write a sad song about it?  And if you need to feel something, start with this.

CARLOS
Carlos kicks the Emo Kid in the balls.  The Emo Kid grabs his crotch in pain and hops away.

EMO KID
Uncool!

DRUNK GIRL 
Her skirt is too short and her top is too low.

DRUNK GIRL
(slurring)
Can I get in?

CARLOS
Who are you here with?

DRUNK GIRL
Nobody. I got drunk with my friends, but we got separated and I’m like,
screw you guys, I’m going to get even drunker and more dancier at Club Carlos!

CARLOS
I'm gonna call you  a cab.

DRUNK GIRL
But there’s no party in the cab.

CARLOS
Look, if you stay here, you’ll be just another white girl who’s going to need her vagina swabbed for DNA. You walk around drunk and half naked, making it easy for any Tom, Dick, or Duke LaCrosse player to take advantage of you.

DRUNK GIRL
I’ll do you too get in.

CARLOS
Three, two, one...

The Drunk Girl burped loudly and passed out.

You've just seen Carloslam! Now welcome to Carlos Post-Slam!
Here are a few more slams you can sink your teeth into and help get you started.
Then write it out
Whatever it is you have to say
And feel free
To slam post away!

"I HATE PENNIES" BY HOMELESS GUY
I hate pennies.  Who gives pennies these days? 
At least give me a nickel, bitch!  That’s five damn cents. 
And don’t give me no five pennies. 
That ain’t a motherfuckin’ nickel!
                          I hate pennies.

"AN ORAL REPORT" BY STORMY DANIELS
   I hate you snobby housewives
   Who say I have no class,
  ‘Cause I’m the one your husband thinks about to get it up
   To bang your fat ass!

“IT'S OVER, CHAD!” by Susan
You are from Mars, Chad, and I am from Venus.
I have done a lot of thinking
And journaling about this
And it is over. 
It is time that I love myself enough
To find someone who respects me
And respects himself
And has a job
And can buy his own beer, Chad
And doesn’t lift up his back-fat and fart really loud
In front of my friends
And then yell, “that was a wet one, 10 points!”
It’s over Chad.

It's now time to vote on your favorite quote from Episode #304!
Here are this weeks nominees:

#1. You may say a lot of bad things about America, but the black people are not going back to Africa, and the Mexicans aren't going..they're coming.

#2. This is how much it sucks for white people. In order for you to hear the things you want to say but can't...you had to tune in to hear a Beaner say it for you. You're welcome, crackers.

#3. What? You think I'm gay? Would you willing to bet your wife on it? Come on. Just give me five minutes. I'll do all sorts of gay stuff to her. With my big gay tool.

#4. I hate podiums.

#5. Kiss my fat black ass, Jenny Craig. If I want chocolate cake, I'm gonna have real chocolate cake.

#6. When Jesus said "Suffer the little children to come onto me" that is not what he meant, you scumbag pieces of shit.

#7. Because of you, every time I take kids on a field trip they call an Amber Alert.

Welcome to another addition of Below the Belt w/ Brad Williams.

THE DUNK (from Coach Carlos)

I’ve been getting a lot of emails on my myspace page about THE DUNK at the end of Coach Carlos. "Hey, great job Brad! That CGI looked awesome."  CGI?! CGI my ginormous badonkadonk! That dunk was real. And yes it was as difficult as it looked. 
Here’s how it went down. My call was 6am but we didn't shoot the dunk until 1am the following morning. That's when Carlos handed me a basketball and said "Alright Brad, are you ready to perform...the dunk?" I was like, "Yeah. How are we going to do this...on some mini five foot hoop?"  That's when the crew wheeled out this giant trampoline and set in under the regulation ten foot high basket. Are you freaking kidding me?! Before I knew it I was flying all over the place. One time everybody got freaked out when I missed the rim and slammed hard right into backboard. But it was worth it. We made a kickass piece...and it was fun making those other dwarfs jealous as hell.

                                                            -Brad-

As you saw on the show this week you're an idiot if you don't pay your taxes.  Some of you I'm sure were watching the show going..."Oh-oh! I knew I had to do something this week." It's important to pay your taxes but I know if you can't afford a fancy accountant it can be a lot of work. You're in your kitchen surrounded by papers screaming... "W-2? What's a W-2? Can I send in WD-40?" So that's why I'm going to give you a few helpful                               tips when it comes to deductions.

There is a big difference between what's Deductible vs. what's Non-Deduction. Hope this helps you!

DEDUCTION: You can deduct for each one of your babies
NON DEDUCTION: Each of your baby's Daddys.

DEDUCTION: Company business dinner with clients.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Monkey business  meeting w/ your hot secretary.

DEDUCTION: Reforestation, replanting trees.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Rogaine, replanting your hair.

DEDUCTION: Making your office larger for work.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Making your wife's boobs larger

DEDUCTION: Gas to go to business-related meetings.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Gas to go to King Taco at 2am to with your unemployed buddies.

It's now time to vote on your favorite quote from Episode #303!
Here are this weeks nominees:

#1. "If you're gonna say Dee-Dee-Dee, say it right! It's three syllables. It's Dee, followed by Dee, followed by Dee!"

#2. "Set him free! Set him free! Lord Almighty set this black man free!"

#3. "Welcome to "Are you Smarter than a Wetback?" The show where Wetbacks don't pick lettuce, they pick answers."

#4. Welcome to Guatemala: the Taint of Central America.

#5. Mind of a Midget!

As always if anything else resonated with you from the show - feel free to write-in your favorite quote!

Thanks for watching "Are you Smarter than a Wetback?" Now play the take home version.

Here are some more questions to test your knowledge and see if YOU are Smarter than a Wetback?"
Submit your answers to these five question. I will post the answers later in the week. Good luck...remember the more you get wrong...the more you turn into a wetback.                               Answer all five wrong and you might end up in front of Home Depot!

Question #1. What psychological
                   problems are most associated with
                   the middle child?

Question #2. When was the Virgin of Guadelupe
                    first seen in Mexico?

Question #3. What is the following : old truck
                    tires, a bathtub and a cricket bat?

Question #4. In baseball, the distance from the
                   pitcher’s mound to home plate is 45
                   feet.  If Pedro Martinez’s fast
                   ball travels at 90 miles an hour,