This is footage recorded at Mencia's office during the week. On a break from writers' meetings and shoots, Mencia takes a minute to talk about the hot celebrity fad: naming their babies the weirdest, most (*&@#$-up names you can think of. Let's face it. It's a problem...when was the last time that you saw a celebrity kid named Doris or a Sally?

Hey guys! It's Cristela. You know, after Aaron Spelling's death, I'm sure we all wondered, "How are the Spellings going to make it? Was Tori Spelling's mom, Candy, going to have to take an office job? Can a family REALLY live on a mere $600 million dollars?"

Well, you don't have to worry anymore because Candy Spelling has just hit the jackpot, literally. I read it on TMZ, so it must be credible and true. Turns out that Candy was playing the high limit slot machines and won $180K....

<----Doesn't she look like she needs the money?

Now if that isn't enough to wonder why life isn't fair, this isn't the first time she's hit the jackpot (aside from marrying Aaron Spelling). She actually won $200K at the SAME CASINO (Bellagio-you know, the casino with the water fountain show) a YEAR AGO. WHAT???

Man, she's won more in those two times than I make in about 5 years. I'm happy when I win 5 bucks at the penny Wheel-of-Fortune slot machines. Really, what's next for Dulce (that's Candy in Spanish)? She'll probably go to a garage sale and find the holy grail.

I have to let you go, I need to make some Ramen...and drink some generic soda (Shasta anyone?)

Thanks to Brangelina....or Angelad...or Pittie....or Jolit....or whatever. That's right. Two of the most beautiful people that God has ever given us, have spawned of a his and her set of big-lipped, six-ab set of twins! YAY! Jolie gave birth to twins in France!

I'm hoping they sell their baby pictures because I know that they can bring in millions and God knows they need the money. They just signed a long-term lease on a ANOTHER house in France.

I have to admit, I'm a little jealous of them (OK, who am I kidding? I'm a bunch jealous of them). I'm amazed at how much money these kids have...considering that they do so much with it.

I wish I had like 10 percent of what they have. Ugh, to be able to walk into a grocery store and NOT have to buy Ramen Noodles? That would rock.

Let's face it though. Most of us are far from having the Pittie's money. That's why I'm announcing this:

Angelina and Brad,

Adopt me. I would be your best child. I can drive, cook, clean. I own Fight Club and Tomb Raider.

Love,
Cristela

I guess now I just sit back and wait for a response. I'll give them a week because I know they'll probably be busy with my new siblings, the twins.

OK OK OK...I HAVE JUST READ THAT THE BIRTH RUMORS ARE NOT TRUE...SO JEEZ...I HAVE SOURCES SAYING BOTH THINGS...DECIDE WHICH ONE IS TRUE AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING...WHATEVER. THE ADOPTION PLEA IS STILL VALID.

Each of these celebrity duos has one sister that MIGHT be just a tad bit more famous than the other one, but let's face it: they're both hot. Everyone is talking politics right now, but we want to know the important stuff: Which one of these sister-sets is the hottest?

Just figured we'd ask because let's face it...we cover topics that REALLY matter.

I saw it!  That's right!  I saw it!  This is Cristela and  I have to admit, Wednesday was a very Indiana Jones themed day for me. It started by me watching Indiana Holmes on my friend's show, Mind of Mencia.  Then I went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at THE MIDNIGHT SHOWING here in LA at the Cinerama Dome.  I'm that person, yes.  I watched Star Wars at the midnight shows and I was definitely going to be there for this one.  My friend David got the tickets.  We decided to meet at the theatre (<-----British spelling, intellectual much?)  When I arrived, I was surprised to see SO MANY PEOPLE wearing brown fedoras.  It reminds me of the Harry Potter viewings.

I liked the movie. It was fun.  People can be critical of it, but come on, it's Indiana Jones.  Just be happy they made a new one; they didn't have to. Enjoy it.  In fact, I liked it so much that I decided to break down the movie for you.  Here it is:

Movie starts.
Insert credits.
Indiana Jones makes his 1st appearance.
ACTION SCENE HAPPENS WHERE HE'S IN TROUBLE.
Indiana Jones survives and talks to characters that will reveal something.
Insert plot.
ACTION SCENE AFTER PLOT IS REVEALED WHERE HE'S IN TROUBLE.
Indiana Jones survives and talks to characters about what his next move is.
Picture of plane traveling.
Indiana Jones arrives with character.
They go on an archaeological mission.
They find old stuff needed for plot.
ACTION SCENE WHERE HE'S IN TROUBLE.
ACTION SCENE WHERE HE'S IN TROUBLE.
MORE ACTION (<------LONG SCENE)
Then stuff happens and in the end, it's kinda resolved.

Boom!  You can go see the movie, I recommend it.  But, I wrote out the movie so that people that are saving up to buy a tank of gas or a bag of rice don't feel like they need to go to see it now.  This is my effort to save the economy.  You're welcome.

I was on the internet doing research for a trip I'm making and found this lawsuit that I thought was a little dee dee dee. The plaintiff is Glamour Shots. You know this company, the ones that make ANYONE look good by dressing them up in feather boas, sailor hats or just flat out making the whole picture a little blurry.

It seems like these guys are suing the mega-monster that is...oh damn, shall I say it? (whispers) Walt Disney. I said it.

Yes, so Glamour Shots is suing Disney for a candy they are marketing called "Hannah Montana Glamour Shots Candy" claiming that using the name "Glamour Shots" in the title makes people believe that Glamour Shots made the candy....

UM, WHAT???? You're suing because you're afraid that your company will be associated with the MILLION-DOLLAR-TOO-NICE-THAT-EVEN-PUPPIES-ARE-ANNOYED teenage sweetheart that is Hannah Montana. Why would anyone complain about being connected to a million dollar franchise?

I rule in favor of Disney, not only because I think that Glamour Shots was very dee dee dee to even consider suing but also because I would love to talk to you about future projects...need I mention Snow Dogs 2? I did a mock-up so that you would see what it'd look like...

Welcome to another edition of Mencia's Hollywood Ticker - the only place to get Mencia's take on Entertainments biggest stories.

JERRY LEWIS DROPS THE F-BOMB For the video click here - Jerry Lewis Video.
I know what's gonna happen. People are going to jump all over this and demand an
apology...and blah blah blah. Look, this is nothing like the Michael Richards incident.
Jerry Lewis made a bad joke. "But Carlos, that's a horrible word. And he should be punished for it." You can't punish a man for saying a word when he's just raised millions for disabled children. The only thing good about this story, is you know it freaks out Bin Laden. "I know about the A-Bomb, and the H-Bomb. But what the hell is the F-Bomb? Why don't I know about this?!"

WHOOPI DEFENDS VICK For the video click here - Whoopi defends Vick
Whoopi got off to a quick start hosting the View when she decided to defend Vick's extra curricular activites. She said, "It's not his fault. Dog-fighting is part of his culture." Now, while I agree that different cultures view pets differently, but is torturing and killing dogs really part of the Black culture. I mean you can go to TJ and see a Donkey shows or a cock fights...doesn't mean I find it okay to bang donkeys. And if it came out that I was hosting private donkey shows in my house, you would never see Edward James Olmos on the news defending me. "Well, it is part of his Latin heritage. To white people a jackass is somebody who performs stupid stunts. To us, well...it means something different. You just don't understand."

HEATH LEDGER BACK ON THE MARKET
I love these stories. Some Hollywood actor divorces his wife, or breaks up with his girlfriend and every Entertainment magazine and TV news show release the same headline - "Attention Ladies! He's back on the market!"  Like anybody reading the article has a chance. Do woman actually read this article and then immediately drop everything to hit the streets looking for him. "Heath! Where are you Heath?! I'm here for you!"  You know there'd be one gay guy out there with a flashlight, just in case.  And I know some of you are going, "You never know Carlos. We might be meant to be together." This just in...you're not!!!
Get this in your head. The magazine might be called US...but they don't mean you!