I was on the internet doing research for a trip I'm making and found this lawsuit that I thought was a little dee dee dee. The plaintiff is Glamour Shots. You know this company, the ones that make ANYONE look good by dressing them up in feather boas, sailor hats or just flat out making the whole picture a little blurry.

It seems like these guys are suing the mega-monster that is...oh damn, shall I say it? (whispers) Walt Disney. I said it.

Yes, so Glamour Shots is suing Disney for a candy they are marketing called "Hannah Montana Glamour Shots Candy" claiming that using the name "Glamour Shots" in the title makes people believe that Glamour Shots made the candy....

UM, WHAT???? You're suing because you're afraid that your company will be associated with the MILLION-DOLLAR-TOO-NICE-THAT-EVEN-PUPPIES-ARE-ANNOYED teenage sweetheart that is Hannah Montana. Why would anyone complain about being connected to a million dollar franchise?

I rule in favor of Disney, not only because I think that Glamour Shots was very dee dee dee to even consider suing but also because I would love to talk to you about future projects...need I mention Snow Dogs 2? I did a mock-up so that you would see what it'd look like...

Judge Carlos is still in session on the blog. Check out his latest ruling.

CASE - “ARKANSAS DAD SUES LIBRARY OVER LESBIAN BOOK”

JUDGE CARLOS
A Christian conservative father is suing a Arkansas public library because his two teenage sons were“accidently” exposed to Lesbianism in a bok called “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book” while looking for military books. He claims his sons we’re greatly disturbed by their discovery and apparently underwent many sleepless nights as a result. Yeah, but it wasn’t because of the lesbianism. It was their permanent erection. This father wanted his two teenage sons to read about military stuff instead of panooche?  When they end up with their big, shiny helmet in some dude's foxhole, he's going to wish they looked at naked women instead.

GHOST OF JOHNNIE COCHRAN
Watching lesbian sex will not keep you from heaven.
If it did, there’s no way I would have been let in.

JUDGE CARLOS
Rules in favor of the library, and orders them to stock the shelf with lesbian literature.
Anything that makes dudes in Arkansas to open a book, is okay by me.

Judge Carlos is still in session on the blog. Check out his latest decision.

CASE - "HOOTERS SUES TO PUT THE SQUEEZE ON BREASTS"

JUDGE CARLOS
In Florida, the Hooters restaurant chain is suing because their competitor’s waitresses are wearing skimpy clothes and serving fried chicken wings. Now this is an open and shut case. Hooter’s doesn’t own the monopoly on titties and shitty food. If they did, half of Las Vegas would be out of business. As well as every Tijuana strip club. Shame on you, Hooters! How dare you try to shut down a place that has hot sexy waitresses in tight skimpy clothes! Not only am I throwing the case out, but Hooters has to pay all court costs... with lap dances! Hey Hooter, if you think you have a case, then Strip Clubs should’ve been suing you years ago.

GHOST OF JOHNNIE COCHRAN
With titties and chicken you can’t go wrong.
This lawsuit makes me sad, why can’t we all just get along?

JUDGE CARLOS
I’m going to dismiss this case because the plaintiff clearly doesn’t have the best interests of the community in mind.  The more restaurants with half-naked girls in it, the better.

Judge Carlos is still in session on the blog. Check some more of his latest ruling

CASE #1 - “Wild Animals Hate Being Shot”

JUDGE CARLOS
A man injured on an African safari is suing the bullet manufacturer because their ammunition did not stop the lion he shot from tearing him a new A-hole.  You don’t have to be a legal scholar to figure this one out.  Lions live in Africa.  The minute you get off the plane, you have to know there’s a chance you’re going to get your nuts ripped off.  Now this big game hunting dumbass filed a lawsuit because the bullet wasn’t powerful enough to kill the King of the jungle?  Obviously, he’s white.  Anybody from the ghetto knows you shoot everything at least twice.  Ain’t that right, Ghost of Johnnie Cochran?

GHOST OF JOHNNIE COCHRAN
Next time bring a knife and you’ll be okay!
I learned that from my friend O.J!

JUDGE CARLOS
Judgment for the manufacturer, and I hereby order the plaintiff to do something lots of people wanted the Ghost of Johnnie Cochran to do when he was still alive.  Go back to Africa.  Next case!