Transformers is coming out today and I had to talk about this movie. When I was a kid I loved the Tranformers - of course my family would never get me one. My Dad was always like, "You don't need any Tranformers. You already have everyday objects that turn into toys, here at home! This looks like a trash can - but is really a spaceship." "But Dad, it's full of trash." "I know. Once you take out the trash - it turns into a spaceship."

But now that I'm older - I've starting looking at the Transformers a different way.

As you know the Transformers are robots that have been hiding on earth as typical machines that we use everyday just waiting for the chance to transform into giant robots and take over earth. I have always loved that premise. For many of the characters that's awesome. Optimus Prime - transforms into a 16 wheel- Mack Truck. Another robot turns into a F-14 fighter jet - awesome.

But what about those Transformers that weren't lucky. Like the lead robot in the movie who has been hiding as a old beat-up Pinto for the past 20 years. That sucks for him. Having to hold 30 Mexicans why they try to cross the border. The car is probably like, "Forget the uprising. I want to go home. It's not worth this shit. Why did I have to be the Pinto?"

Or what about Megatron, the head bad guy. The leader of the Decepticons and the most feared robot of them all. Sure, he's all bad ass when he's a robot...but when he transformers - he turns into a  GUN!!! A freaking inanimate object. If nobody picks him up he just sits there. That's the most feared robot of them all. What if he runs out of bullets. Then what? Or remember that Robot that Transformed into a freaking BOOM BOX! And it had tape deck - where the tape turned into a wild cat of some kind. He's out of date. In this movie he's probably sitting in the back room of a Crazy Gideons collecting dust.

What machine would you want to be Transformed into?

Coming soon to the big screen is Die Hard IV - also known as Live Free or Die Hard. I love this series, and if you're like me you can't wait until it comes out. But won't stop me from talking about. I read this story on the internet and it really pissed me off. They announced that the film is going to be rated PG-13. Are you freaking kidding me? All the other ones were rated R. This is bullshit. How can you rate a movie PG-13 when it's big catch phrase is Yippee Kay-Yeah Motherfucker! That phrase alone is worth the R rating. What is he gonna say, YippeKay-Yeah Mellon-farmer?  Mother Banger?  Mother Teresa?

If you guys have any better replacements - let me know.

Why do they do this, so 13 year old kids can go? It's not they care about it. When the first one came out they weren't even born. I've invested time into the series.

Then I did a little research and learned that PG-13 movies are allowed one curse word. Hmmm! I wonder what word that will be? Maybe the one that's on the God Damn Billboards. Then I started thinking..Holy shit...that's the only curse word in the movie?  What's McClaine going to yell when he gets thrown through a glass window, or gets shot, "Oh Fudgeroonies!" or "Oh, fiddle sticks!"  (BAD GUY) Did you just say, Fiddle sticks?" (MCLAINE) "Yeah. I only get one curse word and I don't get to say it until the final seen. If I don't say it...the fans will kill me."

I freaking love summer blockbusters. They kickass. And I know some of you disagree.  "Oh Carlos, I hate summer movies." Well you know what I hate? I hate you Dee-Dee-Dees that wait for years with great anticipation for a movie to come out, then you stand overnight in line to get a ticket, then you wait in line to get a seat...and then finally once the movie is over you're like..."The effects were cool, but it had no story." Are you kidding me? It's a summer blockbuster! You don't need a story. You need cool explosions and kickass special effects. "But Carlos, I can't relate to the characters." The lead character is drunk pirate who fights a freaking walking Octopus trapped on boat made of dead pirates. You shoudl be happy you don;t relate to that.  It's called fiction. A chance to escape into something that doesn't exist. "What about the love story. I didn't really feel it." If I wanted to feel a love story; I'd stay home and bang my wife. I want to feel the vibrations from cannons being fired off a Pirate ship. That's why I see the movie.

If you disagree with me ...then I would love to hear what you have to say, but I don't think you do.