Economists have been saying that we are in a recession. Are we? I don't know. What I do know is that the economy sucks, gas prices are high and we need to do something to fix it.. What do you do? Well, I, Cristela, went out on a fact-finding mission and found it in an old episode of the Golden Girls. It seems the "Golden Girls" were in hard times and wanted to buy a new TV, so the girls decided to have a garage sale. That's when I thought: OH MY GOD! That's exactly what we need to do. The United States needs to pin up signs across the neighborhood because it's time for "AMERICA'S GARAGE SALE!" Think about it....we have so many things we don't use!!!!

Like coming in at #1: THE LIBERTY BELL

Come on guys, let's face it. It's cracked. We haven't used it in years. I say we make a rule: Anything that's broken for over 200 years and we don't fix it? We toss it out...we don't need it. Let's tag that one and see how much money we can get for it...

#2: BRANSON, MO

Look, Branson, MO isn't doing anything for us. I mean, it's billed "The Family-Friendly Las Vegas". Um yeah, that's what I need...Vegas without the sin. What's next? Iraq with no war? Tag it up and we can haggle with this one too if needed.

#3: THE ALAMO

Pee Wee Herman showed it had no basement. Most importantly, people always say that we need to remember the Alamo. But who really does? Do you ever wake up in the morning and say, "Hmm, what do I have to do today? I have to go to the cleaners, pick up groceries...and oh yeah, REMEMBER THE ALAMO!" TAG IT AND MOVE ON!

#4: PARIS HILTON

She's been used by everyone in the US; we need to send her to another country where she can be used some more. I say this because I believe in recycling.

#5: THE FIRST AMENDMENT

Let's face it-we haven't used this puppy in a long time.

Actually, that one already sold. It was the first one to go. Warren Buffet bought it and said that he intends to break it down into smaller amendments. Congrats Warren, hope you're happy with it. But remember, everyone else...we have a ton of stuff that is still available so just look up the listings on Craigslist because AMERICA IS HAVING A GARAGE SALE!

"Hill-arious" Clinton reminds me of the little engine that could. Remember that story. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. That's how she thinks in regards to the campaign. Oh, how I would LOVE to live in her land. Where anything is possible!

I imagine that Clintonland has streets made of chocolate, unicorns roaming towards a Kool-Aid river and an unlimited supply of lasagna (I think I made her into Garfield). I feel like she wakes up in her fantasy land and gets out of bed to greet her subjects that have gathered around her castle made of cheese. She picks up her crown and walks out the balcony, waving. That's when she hears the shouts, "Obama! Obama! Obama!" Even in Clintonland, Obama gets the nomination.

Hillary, I'm not sure if you've heard it from other people, but I'm going to go ahead and say it. I think you need to give it up. You won Kentucky...but Obama won everywhere else. Sorry. Look, if you give up today....you can wake tomorrow, get a coffee at Starbucks and relax. Then, who knows, maybe in the evening you'll turn on the TV and watch the MIND OF MENCIA SEASON 4 PREMIERE ON COMEDY CENTRAL 10:30/9:30 Central!!!

You don't have to listen to me, I'm just saying.

As you saw on the show this week you're an idiot if you don't pay your taxes.  Some of you I'm sure were watching the show going..."Oh-oh! I knew I had to do something this week." It's important to pay your taxes but I know if you can't afford a fancy accountant it can be a lot of work. You're in your kitchen surrounded by papers screaming... "W-2? What's a W-2? Can I send in WD-40?" So that's why I'm going to give you a few helpful                               tips when it comes to deductions.

There is a big difference between what's Deductible vs. what's Non-Deduction. Hope this helps you!

DEDUCTION: You can deduct for each one of your babies
NON DEDUCTION: Each of your baby's Daddys.

DEDUCTION: Company business dinner with clients.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Monkey business  meeting w/ your hot secretary.

DEDUCTION: Reforestation, replanting trees.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Rogaine, replanting your hair.

DEDUCTION: Making your office larger for work.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Making your wife's boobs larger

DEDUCTION: Gas to go to business-related meetings.
NOT A DEDUCTION: Gas to go to King Taco at 2am to with your unemployed buddies.