The Mencia Summer Movie Guide

The Dark Knight...is it awesome?

July 18, 2008 AT 12:15PM | Comments (3)

81974814


I haven't seen it yet. I would've gone to the midnight showing but I had to go to boot camp (to lose weight) and didn't want to stay up late.

I want to see this movie. I love Batman....I'm kinda scared of what it's going to be like though. I don't want to be disappointed. I'm afraid there's a lot of hype to it. I looked it up on rottentomatoes.com and it had a 94 percent rating which means it's A W E S O M E !

I'm sure I'll love it. I really dug Batman Begins. Hell, I've loved all of them....except Batman Forever and Batman and Robin....ugh. I wish we had control+alt+delete in real life....I would've restarted right after the release of those two movies.

Another thing is that I'm waiting because I'm afraid of the packed screenings. It seems like every time I go, there's always a bunch of loud people sitting right next to me. They never shut up and I end up annoyed throughout the whole thing.

Well, just wanted to see if anyone had seen the movie so that they could let me know what they thought of it. I'm curious.

Cristela stars in 'Sex and the Pity'...

May 28, 2008 AT 10:29AM | Comments (8)

810985631 I'm a girl.  Actually, I'm considered a "woman" because I'm almost (whispers) 30.  But really, if you saw my apartment, you would see Super Mario action figures, my Guitar Hero ax, and my Hello Kitty stuff strewn around my one bedroom and wonder, "Really? Are you an woman?"

I am. But I'm not like the "typical" woman. And by typical, I mean the women you see on TV and movies.  The ones that are always searching for Mr. Right, or as in Sex and the City, Mr. Big.  They wear fabulous clothes and hang out with their girlfriends while they drink martinis and wonder, "Am I short a pair Blahniks?"  They go around and date men and wonder, "When will I find the man that will make me complete?"

By those guidelines, I'm not a typical woman whatsoever.  I'm a tomboy.  I watch the Cowboys (and yes, I think Jessica Simpson is a jinx) and drink beer.  I love video games and think heavy metal should make a comeback.

Here's the thing though: I WANT to see Sex and the City.  Does that make me lame? Um, yes. Maybe that's the boy part of tomboy, but I feel like I should be against that movie. I didn't even see the whole show; only episodes here and there.

I like the fashion (if it be only to admire the Chanel, Fendi and Prada that I will never be able to afford), the good looking men, but really...I don't understand what it is I like about it. It's not like there's something that is really drawing me to this movie, but there is.  I guess what I'm saying is that there IS something thats drawing me to it, I just don't know what it is.

I think it's pitiful of me to think that I just can't be happy with the fact that I want to see this movie. I have to think about it and wonder: WHY THE HELL DO I WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE?

Maybe it's just because I'm a chick...and I have to face that. Ugh.  Oh well.

Mencia Summer Movie Guide - Transformers

July 4, 2007 AT 10:59AM | Comments (12)

162051007s1_2 Transformers is coming out today and I had to talk about this movie. When I was a kid I loved the Tranformers - of course my family would never get me one. My Dad was always like, "You don't need any Tranformers. You already have everyday objects that turn into toys, here at home! This looks like a trash can - but is really a spaceship." "But Dad, it's full of trash." "I know. Once you take out the trash - it turns into a spaceship."

But now that I'm older - I've starting looking at the Transformers a different way.

As you know the Transformers are robots that have been hiding on earth as typical machines that we use everyday just waiting for the chance to transform into giant robots and take over earth. I have always loved that premise. For many of the characters that's awesome. Optimus Prime - transforms into a 16 wheel- Mack Truck. Another robot turns into a F-14 fighter jet - awesome.

But what about those Transformers that weren't lucky. Like the lead robot in the movie who has been hiding as a old beat-up Pinto for the past 20 years. That sucks for him. Having to hold 30 Mexicans why they try to cross the border. The car is probably like, "Forget the uprising. I want to go home. It's not worth this shit. Why did I have to be the Pinto?"

Or what about Megatron, the head bad guy. The leader of the Decepticons and the most feared robot of them all. Sure, he's all bad ass when he's a robot...but when he transformers - he turns into a  GUN!!! A freaking inanimate object. If nobody picks him up he just sits there. That's the most feared robot of them all. What if he runs out of bullets. Then what? Or remember that Robot that Transformed into a freaking BOOM BOX! And it had tape deck - where the tape turned into a wild cat of some kind. He's out of date. In this movie he's probably sitting in the back room of a Crazy Gideons collecting dust.

What machine would you want to be Transformed into?

Mencia Summer Movie Guide - Live Free and Die Hard

June 22, 2007 AT 06:58PM | Comments (25)

Coming soon to the big screen is Die Hard IV - also known as Live Free or Die Hard. I love this series, and if you're like me you can't wait until it comes out. But won't stop me from talking about. I read this story on the internet and it really pissed me off. They announced that the film is going to be rated PG-13. Are 162051007s1you freaking kidding me? All the other ones were rated R. This is bullshit. How can you rate a movie PG-13 when it's big catch phrase is Yippee Kay-Yeah Motherfucker! That phrase alone is worth the R rating. What is he gonna say, YippeKay-Yeah Mellon-farmer?  Mother Banger?  Mother Teresa?

If you guys have any better replacements - let me know.

Why do they do this, so 13 year old kids can go? It's not they care about it. When the first one came out they weren't even born. I've invested time into the series.

Then I did a little research and learned that PG-13 movies are allowed one curse word. Hmmm! I wonder what word that will be? Maybe the one that's on the God Damn Billboards. Then I started thinking..Holy shit...that's the only curse word in the movie?  What's McClaine going to yell when he gets thrown through a glass window, or gets shot, "Oh Fudgeroonies!" or "Oh, fiddle sticks!"  (BAD GUY) Did you just say, Fiddle sticks?" (MCLAINE) "Yeah. I only get one curse word and I don't get to say it until the final seen. If I don't say it...the fans will kill me."

Mencia Summer Movie Guide - Evan Almighty

146026688tiAs I'm sure you're all aware by now,  Evan Almighty opens nationwide this weekend, and I'm sure many of you are going to rush to the theaters to see it. Look, I haven't seen the movie so I'm not going to tell you whether it's good or bad, but I do have a problem with the story.

Apparently it's a recreation of the Noah's Ark story set in modern day. And if you don't know the Noah's Ark story - stop surfing YouTube and open a freaking book! But seriously, I know it's a fictional movie, and they have creative license, but this film went too far!  If God needed to build something out of wood quickly, he wouldn't ask some unskilled middle-class white dude? That's bullshit! He'd ask my people. The beaners! That's what we do. We build shit quick.

Now I can understand God asking some white Jewish guy to build an ark back in the day...Good Mexican day-laborers were harder to find.  But today?   God could appear in a burning shrub in front of any freaking Home Depot in the country and find his work force.

Give them some wood, and few tools and before you knew it...BAM! (MEXICAN VOICE) "There is your ark, Senor God. When's the flood gonna happen?"  God would be like, "Soon.  I didn't expect it to be built that quick. I'm still making clouds."

That's my take before I see the movie.

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